There are times when words carry more weight than usual. At a funeral, each sentence spoken, each silence, each gesture takes on a particular dimension. We want to do well, comfort, show our presence… And yet, without meaning to, we can sometimes offend an already raw sensitivity. Because in these moments, the pain is raw, intimate, and nothing should minimize it.
Why words matter so much in moments of contemplation
When a family goes through a moment of great sadness, they don’t expect any speech or explanation. Above all, she needs respect, gentleness and a sincere presence. Some sentences, although common and said with good intentions, can involuntarily close the emotional dialogue or give the impression that the sentence is not legitimate.
Before speaking, it is often useful to ask yourself: does this sentence really soothe, or does it mainly serve to fill my own discomfort?
“At least he doesn’t suffer anymore”
This is probably one of the most heard phrases… and the most delicate ones. Even if it is meant to be reassuring, it can be felt as a negation of the current sentence. For loved ones, the question is not that of past suffering, but of present absence.
To be preferred: a simple and true sentence, such as “I’m thinking very strongly of you” or “I’m here if you need it”.
“Everything happens for a reason”
This idea may seem soothing on paper, but in a moment of grief, it can cause incomprehension or anger. It sometimes gives the impression that the sentence should be accepted immediately, without discussion or emotion.
To be preferred: “I don’t have the words, but I am by your side.”
“I know how you feel”
Even if you have experienced a difficult situation yourself, each relationship is unique, each feeling is too. Comparing experiences, even unconsciously, can give the feeling that the pain of the other is put on a scale.
To be preferred: listening, nodding, letting the other person express himself at his own pace… or simply remain silent.
“We have to be strong”
This sentence, often pronounced with tenderness, can nevertheless be heavy to bear. She implies that there is a “right” way to live these moments, and that showing your emotions would be a weakness.
To be preferred: “You have the right to feel everything you feel” or “Crying is normal”.
What is better to do than to talk
